The Sustainist

Week 13 Drawing on Holy Currencies

Respectful Communication Guidelines

Some of you might be asking the question: What do the assignments of the last 3 weeks have to do with being an awesome, amazing and animated steward?  One of the most important currencies that we need to be good stewards of is the currency of relationship, not money.  If you have respectful and trusting relationships, you will be able to share currencies of truth, wellness, leadership and, yes, money.  Creating a time and space in which we can build respectful relationships is therefore a crucial skill for the ministry of stewardship. 

The Respectful Communication Guidelines (RCG) is the community covenant we use every time we gather a group at the Kaleidoscope Institute. You can read more about it in Chapter 10 of The Bush Was Blazing But Not Consumed and Chapter 9 of Holy Currencies.  They are intended to establish a Grace Margin, which we explored in week 11, addressing the fears that people might bring to the gathering while reminding participants how to communicate constructively.  For example, people coming to a gathering on stewardship might be fearful of being forced into giving money through guilt.  Or others might judge them of their idea of stewardship.   The RCG address these fears by stating that we will take responsibility for what we say, we will listen empathetically, and we will keep confidentiality. The RCG set group norms that become the reference points when there are roadblocks on the way to gracious communication.

For this week, have fun coloring and meditating on these guidelines. Writing down your thoughts in the chart on the questions:

Why is this guideline important?

What would I do to uphold the guideline?

Your answers to these questions will help you present these guidelines for future gatherings of people in your community. We ask you to fold the corner of this page because you will be revisiting this page when you present the guidelines again and again. 

Here is the brief explanation on the guidelines that we use in the Building Bridges Now (www.buildingbridgesnow.com) dialogue process:

R =      take RESPONSIBILITY for what you say and feel without blaming others

Avoid judgmental language which can cause defensiveness and cut off communication.  Instead, use “I” statements.  Begin what you want to say with “I”, therefore claiming what is yours.  For example, I feel, I know, I believe, I think, I notice, I wonder, etc.

E =      use EMPATHETIC listening

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and attempt to see and experience the issue from the speaker’s perspective.  This is a commitment that we make to try as hard as we can to understand each other knowing our limits.  Therefore, it is okay to ask questions for deeper understanding.  It is also okay to give feedback to check if you have understood what the speaker was saying.

S =       be SENSITIVE to differences in communication styles

When someone behaves differently from you, don’t just simply interpret that behavior using your own assumptions of what is good communication.  Remind yourself that this person might be communicating in a very different way and there might be opportunities to learn more about how the other communicates. 

P =      PONDER what you hear and feel before you speak

Take a moment to consider what you are going to say before you say it. Sometimes it might be helpful to write your thoughts down.  This can help you to be more articulate when you share.

E =       EXAMINE your own assumptions and perceptions

As you ponder, ask yourself what caused you to feel, think or react in a certain way.  Where might these ideas come from for you?  If you are able to notice your own assumptions, you are more able to take responsibility for your own thinking and feeling.

C =      keep CONFIDENTIALITY (Share CONSTRUCTIVELY to uphold the wellbeing of the  COMMUNITY)

In order to uphold the wellbeing of each person in this group, I invite you to keep the personal information shared here in confidence. This way, we can feel safer in talking about real issues that concern our lives and our communities without the fear that they might be shared outside without the full benefit of the trust developed in this group.

T =      TRUST ambiguity because we are NOT here to debate who is right or wrong.

In order to address these issues constructively, we must be willing and able to listen to each other’s different experiences and points of view, even though at times the ambiguity might be uncomfortable for some of us.  By listening empathetically without judgment and debate, we, as a community, may gain a fuller description of the issues we are trying address.  In this way, instead of being divided, we can move forward, working together to find constructive ways to address them.

Remember to share your drawing using #holycurrencies

 

 

 

Week 12 Drawing on Holy Currencies

Covenant for Wellness

We require people to take written and driving tests before they can get on the road to drive so that all the cars with people can coexist and share the road without hurting each other. In order for us to live in community without hurting each other, we also need to have some agreement upon ground rules for interactions and community. What might they be for a community of which you are a part?

This week’s assignment includes interviewing at least 5 people asking them to complete the following sentences:

I know I’m respected when  . . .

I know I’m included when . . .

I know I’m supported when . . .

Here is my collection of the wisdom from 5 people in my office building – the Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles:

I know I’m respected when –

• I deserved to be respected when I respect other people.
• My opinions are valued.
• People take time for me.
• People treat me as an equal.
• I am allowed to finish my sentence.

I know I’m included when –

• People ask my advice and include me in conversations.
• I’m invited to share my perspective.
• People seek me out to talk to me.
• My voice is heard.
• I’m asked to join in and be a part of whatever is going on.

I know I’m supported when –

• People listen to my problems and have mutual understanding.
• I get good feedback.
• People allow me the time to talk to them.
• I share my ideas and be heard.
• My role is understood.

 

I found the conversations after I collected these sentences quite interesting: most of the people I talked to said that this was not easy to do and took some thinking and digging inward.  They  also said that people don’t usually talk about these things.  And most of them agreed that it would be good for co-workers to have this conversation beginning with sharing their completed sentences.

This is also good to gather a group of “Drawers” to share their findings of weeks 10, 11 and 12, and have a discussion on what might a covenant be like if we are to continue to work together.

• You can listen to Eric sing “Open Space” on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwyYdbRMO_8
• Have fun coloring the pictures. Feel free to add characters to it.
• Have fun also interviewing your friends about their understanding of respect, inclusion and support.
• Time to give a report to your Accountable Person!

Don’t forget to share your colored picture using #holycurrencies.

 

Week 11 Drawing on Holy Currencies

Grace Margin

As you color the first picture of this week, pay attention to what the different characters are doing in the exclusive community.  Apply these insights to how you answer the questions: In what ways does a community exclude others who are not like the people inside?  What are their fears?  What are they protecting? Think about a community that you are a part of that might act in the exclusive ways; then answer the questions again.

As you color the picture of the inclusive community, pay attention to what the different characters are doing in the inclusive community. Apply these insights to how you answer the questions: What will you do to assist a community to become more inclusive?  How can you make room between the fear zone and the safe zone?  How do you invite people from the inside to come out and explore?  How do you invite people from the outside to come in and explore? Think about a community that you are a part of that might act in the inclusive ways; then answer the questions again.

 

• Writing a gracious invitation is the practical way of creating a grace margin for any kind of gatherings in order to maximize participations. Think of a gathering, perhaps with your group who are acting on this book, and try writing a gracious invitation. Tip: don’t be afraid to say what this gathering is NOT.
• Learn more about the concept of the Grace Margin by reading Eric’s books, Inclusion: Making Room for Grace and Chapter 9 of Holy Currencies
• Also, you can find examples of gracious invitations in Chapters 66, 67 and 68 of Holy Currency Exchange.
• We ask you to fold the corner of this page because we expect you to come back to this page and write many more gracious invitations. Folding the corner makes it easy to find.

 

Drawing on Holy Currencies Week 10

Dealing with Your Fears

Giving is scary.  We live in a world that constantly project scarcity. If we buy into this spirituality of scarcity, we might feel the need to take, keep and protect what we have out of the fear of not having enough for ourselves and our families.   To be an awesome steward, we need to know our fears.  We need to acknowledge our fears, learn our patterns in responding to them and decide not to be paralyzed by them but to find constructive ways to address them.  If we are successful, we will not let fear stop us from giving generously to keep God’s resources flowing, creating abundance in our communities. 

Take time with the sentence completion exercise this week.   Do a few each day.  They are invitations to explore and acknowledge your patterns in dealing with anxiety and fear. The second page of sentences has invitations to discern the conditions in which you can address your fears constructively as an individual and in community.

Here are the results of my reflection this week:

• When I am anxious, I sweat, I rush through things, I miss a lot of what’s happening and I forget to say the important things.
• When I am afraid, I stay silent.
• When I am fearful, I avoid things, I procrastinate and I isolate myself.
• When I am scared, I hide and I don’t want to see or hear the scary things.
• When I am troubled, I go over things in my mind over and over and over again and lose sleep over it.

• When I notice another is anxious, I take a deep breath and I invite the person to do the same.
• When I notice another is afraid, I’d say, “What you’re afraid of is not happening right now. Take a deep breath.”
• When I notice another is fearful, I would calmly asked the person, “what’s the worst that could happen?” If we are in imminent danger, we should take action to get out of the danger.  If not, we can talk more about what really is at stake here.
• When I notice another is scared, I would ask for permission to give the person a hug. If the person says yes, I hug.
• When I notice another is troubled, I would sing “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Paul Simon.

 

• When I am well prepared, I will not be anxious.
• When I am with friends facing adversity together, I will not be afraid.
• When I say to myself that the thing that I am fearful of is not happening right now, I will not be fearful. Then I would be able to mine from my fears to discover my call to ministry.
• When I am in a community of trust, I will not be scared.

• When we rehearse and prepare ourselves for whatever we are doing, we will not be anxious.
• When we are together, we will not be afraid.
• When we discern together our call to do justice and love mercy, we will not be fearful.
• When we promise to protect and support each other, we will not be scared.
• When we pray together, show that we will always be there for each other, we will not be troubled.

 

When I was doing this exercise, I notice I am much better at helping others to deal with their fears than dealing with fear by myself.  I tend to avoid things, and isolate myself.  Instead, I should do the opposite and connect with my friends, talk things through and act together.   I learned that I need to do the counter-intuitive thing in order to address my fears constructively. 

 

What’s your learning from doing this exercise?

Remember to share your coloring on social media using #holycurrencies.